What's in it for me?

People resist change.

It’s human nature. But guess what?

As a project manager, it’s your job to change that.

A consulting partner I worked with once shared a story about his autistic son to illustrate change management, which has always stuck with me…

He explained how he has three kids, and that his middle son was 7 and highly autistic. They were in the middle of moving to a new house, and his son was struggling a lot.

You see, he’d done all the logical things. This was a smart guy who managed change for a living. He knew what he was doing.

He’d taken his son to the new house often as it was being built. They’d been out biking in the new neighborhood together. Went to check out the future school. Ate ice cream at the local shop.

He’d done whatever he could to let the boy acclimatize to the new environment.

But as the move approached and they started packing, things escalated. The poor kid’s brain just couldn’t process it. It turned into daily tantrums which was stressing out the entire family.

The main problem?

His son was unable to express why he was so frustrated…

He told me how he had a bedtime ritual with his son. This is a big deal for a consulting partner. It means no traveling or fancy client dinners, just to be home every evening for your son who needs that structure.

One evening, as they were winding down from another day full of packing stress just two weeks before the move, they had a breakthrough.

“Dad…” his son said

“I don’t understand why I have to move”

Imagine the scene. This guy sits there on the edge of his son’s bed, probably still wearing his suit and tie. He talks about change management all day, every day.

And right there he realized that he made a huge mistake.

He had explained to all three kids that they’d bought a new house. How it would be closer to grandma, have a great school, a bigger playground, and anything else a kid could care about.

Or so he thought.

You see, none of those things meant anything to his son.

What did? Their evening ritual.

So he collected himself and explained to his son that the new house was closer to the office. Which meant that he’d be home earlier so he’d never miss their evening ritual again.

“That’s great dad”

The next morning, when his wife went upstairs to wake their son up and get him ready for school, he was already out of bed.

Packing his toys into a box.

I shit you not. Hollywood would be jealous of a plot twist like that. Family stress levels went down 90% overnight, and they moved two weeks later.

Why?

Because their son now understood why they had to move in a way that mattered to him.

Let that sink in for a second…

Now think about that stakeholder who’s dragging their feet in your project.

You’ve probably done everything right. You told the story, showed the benefits, and took them along in the process. You overcommunicated and did whatever you could to get them to move.

But it’s not working.

Here’s the thing: does it matter to them?

You see, people are selfish. Not in a negative way. It’s just human nature.

No matter how good of a leader you are, they don’t really care about you. They care about them.

The main question on everyone’s mind is “What’s in it for me?”.

Their opinion and willingness to change is directly related to their answer to that question. Not your explanation of it.

Think about it… Does your communication give them a reason to move?

If not, you’ve got work to do.

Now, I know that you have dozens of balls in the air and you’re thinking that this is way too much effort for an individual stakeholder.

True.

You shouldn’t do this for every stakeholder. But you definitely should for the handful of stakeholders who can directly influence the outcome of your project.

Such as your son. Or that one executive that could make or break your project with the stroke of a pen.

To learn how to identify those, check out this previous issue that walks you through stakeholder management step by step. 

Talk soon,
Jasper

PS: I’ve told this story dozens of times, and it still gives me a lump in my throat. I hope it makes you think, just like it did for me.