The 7 essential steps of effective feedback

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Picture the scene:

It's a rainy December day in 2016.

I'm sitting in a poorly-lit meeting room, empty coffee cups everywhere. 

Sleeves rolled up, ties had come off hours ago; it was game time.

The executive committee asked for a memo on our project, and I'd just given the partner my draft.

She read through and looked up at me:

"If this is your best version, I'll find someone else to write it."

Ouch.

The Dutch are known to be straight shooters, but this was a whole new level.

She meant the best for me and the team, but this feedback was just making things worse.

It taught me two things:

1. I needed to up my game (which I did)

2. Not all feedback is created equal

What makes effective feedback?

Effective feedback helps the other person learn & grow. It's one of the most powerful tools you have as a project manager. I know, doing that in a clear yet emphatic way is hard. Frustrations or emotions get in the way, we use the wrong language, or expectations are not set up front. Things get messy.

But it's worth it.

Effective feedback builds a culture of trust, transparency, and growth within your team. At the same time, you need trust, transparency, and a growth mindset to give effective feedback. So where do you start, and how do you do it? Let's dive in!

It starts with culture and expectations

In high-performance teams, people give each other feedback all the time. Both positive and negative. This last bit sounds obvious, but it's often overlooked. If you give positive feedback often, you can "afford" to be negative sometimes too. It's balanced, and people expect to give and receive it. 

Expecting feedback from anyone within your team is the second essential element of a feedback culture. Some want feedback because they know it will make them better. Not everyone is going around and asking for it, but it should be welcomed or at least understood.

The third piece of the puzzle is managed expectations. Your team has to know what you're expecting from them. And even more important: they have to know what they can expect from each other. When starting with a new team, a few hours spent on ways of working, ground rules, and mutual expectations is always worth it. More on feedback culture from HBR.

With the baseline set, effective feedback consists of 6 elements. We'll break those down 1 by 1, and then go through a framework for your next feedback conversation.

Effective feedback is timely and specific

Give feedback as close to the action or event as possible. There's no point in bringing up that meeting from 3 months ago - the window for reflection and change has passed. 

Don't go around and give knee-jerk reactions to whatever happens now, thinking it's feedback though. You're looking to respond, not react (the difference explained, no woo-woo). Note the event or action you need to discuss and prepare for the conversation. We'll cover how you do that step by step later.

The more specific the feedback you give, the better. Avoid broad statements like "you're always late" and use specific examples instead. "Remember that meeting yesterday morning, where you came running in 5 minutes late?" If you use a specific and recent example, you remove any ambiguity. The person receiving feedback will probably nod and say, "yeah, I remember". 

Effective feedback is meaningful & goal-oriented

The goal of feedback is to help someone learn and grow. It's more than your opinion, advice, or praise. It should help them get closer to their goals or the team's goals. You do that by providing context and by being precise. Precise on what you're referring to, and precise in the request you're making.

Effective feedback is your perception

Try to use as many "I-statements" as possible. By expressing what effect someone's action had on you, you make it about you - not about them. This gets you out of the right-vs-wrong conversation. It's your feeling, impression, or experience. They can disagree, but they can't say you're wrong.

Effective feedback is on the action or process

Never criticize a person, but give feedback on what they did instead. When you make a request or give a suggestion, make that actionable too. By doing that, you avoid the "that's just the way I am" answer. Instead, you empower someone to take control of the situation and change their behavior.

Effective feedback is about the future

"Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time." - Paulo Coehlo, the Alchemist

The real value of feedback is future change, not venting about a past event. You can't change the past, so don't use energy on it. Take the facts and focus forward to make sure it doesn't happen again. The mindset shift is enormous: you give someone an opportunity instead of pointing out flaws.

Part 2: A 7-step framework for effective feedback (with examples)

Enough theory. You now have a good understanding of why you should be giving feedback often, and what makes good feedback. Now it's time to make it practical by walking through a 7-step framework you can use for your next conversation!

Step 1: Prepare your conversation

Calm down. This may seem obvious, but never give feedback in the heat of the moment. Your emotions will take over, and you'll say something you'll regret. The next step is to forgive the person for what they have done. You can't change the past, remember? You're helping them grow, not point out their mistakes.

Next, ensure that the expectations were communicated clearly. If not, do that first and skip your feedback. Set expectations in public whenever possible.

Finally, prepare what you'll say using this framework. Done? Good, ditch 90% of it. Effective feedback is concise, not a well-rehearsed 10-page rant.

2. Give context

When you go in, you need to create a condition for them to receive your feedback. The goal is not just to send a message, but to let them hear it.

1. Take a second to get match someone's energy. Don't make it awkward, but if they're riding a high or are in the ditch, you'll need to adjust accordingly.

2. Announce in a few words that you're about to give some feedback.

3. Establish the goal of your feedback. Tie it back to their personal growth or the goals of the team. This gives them context and shows that you care.

Example: "Hey Bill, I'm here to give you some feedback on yesterday's team meeting because I think there's an opportunity for you to be even more effective within the team."

3. Behavior

Bring up the example, and make sure it's specific and recent. Don't bring any new information to the conversation, point at the facts and get them to nod. Make sure to phrase it as an observation of an action, not as an accusation.

Example: "In yesterday's team meeting, I noticed that you explained your point of view before others were finished talking on a few occasions."

4. Consequence

Next up, explain what kind of consequence or effect this has on you or the team. If there are many consequences, pick one or two consequences and stay concise.

Example: "It made me feel like you did not want to hear my idea, and I saw some other teammates zone out."

5. Be quiet

You've just dropped a potential bomb. Some people have an instant reaction ready, while others need a few seconds to gather their thoughts. Give them space, and let them reflect on what you just said. Be quiet for a few seconds, and let them process. They decide when they're ready to resume, not you.

6. Make a suggestion or request

Don't tell them what to do, but request different action. This gives them ownership over the solution and empowers them to make a change themselves.

Example: "I'd like you to give me and others space in the conversation to share our ideas before you share yours."

7. Follow up

Give them reasonable time to make a change, and follow up. Whether your feedback was positive or negative, and no matter how well received it was, this is part of it. You can either encourage them and praise progress, or address the fact that you have perceived no change yet.

In other words: persuade them to change. What's in it for them? How will they benefit? Get closer to their goals?

In summary

Feedback is simple, but not easy. It's one of the most powerful tools you have as a project manager to increase the performance of your team. Practice often with positive feedback, as it will normalize feedback both for you and for the team.

Feedback is effective if it is:

• Part of team culture

• Both timely and specific

• Not about right vs. wrong

• Meaningful and goal-oriented

• Phrased as consequence & feeling

• Future-focused and aimed at growth

• Aimed at action or process, not person

Finally, feedback is about a conversation between two human beings. Following a template does not guarantee success, but it helps you avoid common issues. Practise often, make it your own, and remember that everyone is fighting a battle you don't know about.

Oh, and the memo? It got late that evening, but we pulled it off and had a good laugh about the situation a few days later.

As always, I'd love your reply! Let me know your best or worst feedback experience, or whether this was helpful.

Next week, we're looking at something completely different: choosing project management tools. If you have a specific one you'd like me to cover or have recently chosen one - I'd love to hear from you!

Thanks for reading!

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That's it for this week - until next Tuesday!

Cheers,Jasper